I'm missing you like breathing air

I don't know why... i was thinking about you whole morning. Today is Friday... Yes... a Friday. Usually a Friday is a day i like quite much. But today... there's a seminar this morning. So i have to wake up early. And oddly... i wake up on my own. I think had a dream... Yes... i did had a dream. But i was not able to remember what is happening. And i woke up.
I didn't start to miss you until after the Seminar. Because, after the seminar, i walk at Sarawak Plaza... Tun Jugah... And here comes... my memory... They rush in... and i can see you in me. Feels like illusion is playing in front of my eyes. And i had been quiet all along. Trying to forget... Trying not to think. And good thing... my mum was cleaning the house... i was helping. Was busy helping... keep myself as busy as possible... so that i will not think. Yes... it did help...
But when i clean up my room... i saw the things. The items... It came to me... all came to me... Even the ticket for the movie that we had for the first time we date... was still with me... i wonder why i kept it... All came back to me... i see everything again... But still... i manage to throw it into the rubbish bin. I am not good. I am not prepared. I am not the best. But i will try to be the best of me... before i come back for you. I am selfish... I don't want you to burden me up. I am even evil, to let you go and hurt you... Yes... i am bad... I am sorry... But i will try to make up to u... No... is make up to myself... Because... my dream consist of you. Without you in it... it is not a dream anymore. It is not my future anymore... or should i look for a new future???
Not yet... No! i will not give up so easily. Where is the Zechs last time who is not going to give up easily? Who is always prepared for battle? I'm missing you... i'm missing you...

Stupidity...

I had done something stupid again... Yes... Stupid... Maybe it is not only stupid... it is bad. Maybe it is because i miss her so badly that i again... go into the friendster profile to look for her... and even... worst... i log in her msn to see her mail. SO BAD! I AM SO BAD! man... How am i going to get over this!!!
Why? already 1 month+... Still like that. Can go die... no mood... This moody problem will cost me... And games. Duh!!! I am so into gaming nowadays that i totally ignore my studies... SO terrible of me!!! why become like that? Ever since we broke up... i was unable to do what i intended to... It become worst... Seems like i had make a wrong decision...
My stupidity had cost me. I think i can let u go... and concentrate better. But no... backfired... i even got even worst. Indulge myself in games... At start was to release stress... then... seems like it never work... keep getting more and more into it... to get some sort of happiness... short term happiness...
My heart really ache once in a while. But never will i cry. Maybe cause i had sunk my heart into the deep... but it hurts. Now... it hurts...
What to do? Nothing. What must i do? Solve this... How? THINK!!!

DurianS!

This SPECIAL piece is for~
The DURIAN DINNER!
Monday! 20th October 2008!

i was having lunch... just soup and rice. LOL... I didn't expect much for dinner... But 5pm, when my dad came home... he called me to go down help carry some durians up. Ok... maybe he lazy carry. or maybe he cannot carry all. So i go down lo...
When i go down... i saw the car bonnet was full of Durians!!! =.='''
OMG! 13 in total. BIG ONE SOME MORE!
I like Durians anyway. XD So... Tonight sure is eat durian lo. Just didn't think that it will be my dinner. LOL!
Then after carry the Durians up, i go bathe... so heavy u know... And spiky! Got problem carry "them" up.
When my mum came home... i asked what's for dinner... she answer... Durians of course. LOL!!!
No rice... No soup... No vege... NO MEAT!!! =.=''' Durians...
Think i don't need to talk much. LOL! My mouth sure stinks now. XD
But i still like Durians despite the smell. Hehe...
Of course, didn't eat all of it. So full after just eating 2. Of course whole family eat together la. In total we cracked 6 Durians. =.=''' 4 people take 6. PRO lei~ hehe...
Ok la... This is all for the Durian dinner... i feel a bit hungry now... no meat... bei tahan!
haha! Just joking. Maybe go cook maggie mee. hehe. 2am lo... still eat... XD
Anyway... maybe sleep then no need to eat. Good Nights! XD

The Evolution~

I went to the barber today. XD
That should say the whole picture. I changed my hair style. Of course, i make it big changes so that it will be more significant and more "noticeable". LOL!!! Joking... Just Cut my hair short short. Thats all.
It is not that i wanted to forget anything... It is just that i wanted to cut it short so that it is more simple for me to manage it. Since it is short, there is no need for much "make-up" to do. XD
Anyway, i don't like to spend a lot of time on "making-up" as well... So~ time consuming.
It was quite rush anyway... Only around 3 something then my dad called me and ask me whether i want to go to the barber or not. Of course i wanted to!!! LOL!!! Hair so long already. So... i went...
Forget to mention...
I think i saw her today. Just after the haircut... Maybe she went to Pei Chen's house. Today is Friday what... But of course... It may not be the right one. I might see wrongly... But i think it is true... LOL!!! Anyway... It is not a mistake to miss someone. Right? ^^
Ok... lets just call it an end here first... Will update when i feel like updating. XD Need to go to class too... 6 already...

All comes around, goes around~

Time is passing by fast. Really fast. That time wa considering whether or not to take the exam. But now, i am worrying how to face the exam. >.<
I had enrolled for 2 papers. F4, Law paper and F6, Tax paper. These 2 are the only 2 papers that i have some little confidence in taking. Hmm... I suppose u guys will ask why ACCA student, Accountants study law? This question may not be an easy one. Because i also don't understand why? Hahaha!!!
But anyway, it is good to study Law... I did find it quite interesting as it is fun. At least u can gain some law knowledge. Good when u go to the community. Good when you go out to work. Hahaha... I am now in school, using some of my extra time before class to type this... So it is like quite a rush... Since i never update my blog for quite some time, i may need to update it now. I just visited Rachel's Blog. Hehe... Oh Rach~ i can see that you are also quite busy with your life too. XD Good thing. Go on girl!
Hahaha!!!
I had my own problems to confront. And of course i will try my best to face it. I will stand up again. Face everything that comes. It may not be easy, but i will try my best. ^^ I had faced even harder one last time, now, should not be a big problem.

Updates~
Lately was only focusing on the other blog. I will be blogging every night at 12am just for that blog cause that is the only time when a new day started. Was quite packed lately, as the class is getting more and more intense, and the assignment was tedious. Anyway, did manage to complete it in 1 night of time. XD
The so called insane is still insane. That's me. XD
I choose to sacrifice sleep for assignment. Of course, i can also choose to sacrifice gaming time for assignment, but gaming time is like gold. XD So thats why, i feel really tired lately. My dreams...
hmm... Was not happy to have dreams. But anyway, i will take it. Just got one this morning... But just a few seconds. I feel happy though. Don't know why... Just feel happy to see her... LOL!!!

Anyway, i cannot remember what happen after awaken.

Time to go now... ^^ See ya Peacecraft Kingdom!

A dream...

Today morning, i woke up in ... tears... =.='''
Why? Because i dream of her. So... odd... it was back in time... when in secondary school... but the situation is still the same as now... we was in the same class... she was just sitting a row next to me... with her friends... i wanted to look at her... but i was afraid to look at her if she is sad... but, i over heard, she is really angry... she is complaining to her friend that i break my promise... i don't wanted to... i am also very sad for this...
Since i feel very miserable sitting there... i changed class. But without notifying the teacher... during recess, i pack my bag and go to C class... ( i was in A class)... I downgrade myself... ... ... going to a class which is more like a weaker class... i still remember i said something very... childish... "i only do what i wanted to do!" He was speechless when i say this... i was so... sad and miserable after listening to what she said... because i feel sad too... i feel that i am useless... i cannot handle our relationship and my study at the same time... so... after a few minutes in class... i again packed my bag and run off the class. Suddenly feeling dizzy and totally without strength... Since there is always a small period to swap class... i walk away from school... =.=''' i am already not normal already... i NEVER DO SUCH A THING!!!! =.=''' i am ready feeling big disgrace and totally shameful of this act... I actually ran away from problems...
Then... while i was going off... she and her gang was following me... she asked her friend to get me a pack of tissue. @@
It was opened... and... feel a bit odd. It contains tissue of course, and a few rm5 and rm10 notes... suppose it was a total of rm 25 or 30... i don't understand what that means... but i was bad... i keep walking off... i never look back, i never stop... was giddy on the way and i do feel that i was not able to walk in straight line... =.='''
But... i was left alone... after i am out of the school compound... ... ...
Alone...
I just don't understand... what is that money for? is it that our relationship only worth this much??? or is it that you are still being caring, worried about me, asking me to go to a doctor? i feel sad though... no matter whichever is the answer... i feel sad...
Wake up in tears... i cannot forget what just happened... 12 noon now... i slept until 12 noon... it was just like the time during secondary study hours, on Friday, our class until around 12 noon...
... speechless...

I created a new blog, specially for her...

I had started a new blog, just for her... That blog will be my diary, starting on the day we break up... It has already been 11 days...
But anyway, i will still stand to my promise. ^^
I suppose u guys may not be able to see me blogging here frequently anymore... but i will still update special events in my life on this blog. Stay connected. Thxs to all who care~