Off Track

Have you ever feel tired of keeping on running in the track, aiming to achieve your goal?
Life is like a battle. This world is full of competitions. Anything can be taken to be competed against.
Recently, i was... competing against myself? Have you ever feel that, when you had always been able to finish the race to the end reaching the goal, when everything was running smoothly... you have always been winning... Even when you feel tired, there is always a voice there, telling you to hang in there... You will always be trying your best to reach it. Even if it tires you out, you will feel that it is worth it and every time, you get what you want from the effort you put in.
Feel this before?
I suppose everyone does... just that, sometimes, some don't. No matter how much hard work they put in, they get nothing. Pessimism. But i cannot deny this truth. Some people are just born to be this bad luck. It is the heart that keep them going, living on happily.
Have you ever feel that you got kicked out off track... where you always have been running smoothly and was like always the champ but end up losing everything in a game?
I feel so now. This feeling is all over... No matter how much i hate to compete, i still continue to run... why? Why did i continue even if i hate it? WHY? Because, i hate losing. Even in something that i dislike, i will still want to own it. Because i don't like to lose to others. This is a very bad personality that i own of which i really hate.
But, seems like i had lost it when i got dropped out of the race. Giving up? I think so... But i have been telling myself not to give up no matter what i do. Yes. Good Spirit. When you are going after something you don't have interest in, there is no energy that let you hang on. Just like you love fish but you are hunting for crab, is there any energy for you to continue to hunt for crab when none of it came? =.=''' C'mon...
I seems to be suffering from deep pressure lately. But no... that is not true. It is just a small conflict within me. When i finally know of my interest and i am hanging on to something that i have no interest in but keep hanging on just to show that i never give up, just to show that i am no weakling. BullShit! Rubbish! What thrash is this!
Every degree worth big buck. But if there is no LUCK, you will be just a human, working for small company, earning a small salary, just like everyone else do. What's the difference anyway? We all are humans. No matter what degree you take, if that is what you like, you will put your effort in it. Success. Is there anything to measure success? Is it measured with kilogram? Meters?? Give me a break. Luck... talking about luck... even someone who never study can earn big buck... Degree, Master, PhD... Bullshit~ It is just merely a piece of paper. Certificates... it is worthless. What worth most? Money~~~ Even if you carry a PhD in your hand and stay unemployed... You still go and EAT GRASS. Rubbish. Why do people nowadays treat this papers as gold... my god...
knowledge... this is what it counts. NOT THE PAPER! Some certs are even fake... =.=''' Fake certs... that person maybe a PhD, but without the knowledge of a PhD, still a rubbish.
But who even cares... It is still the status of life that everyone care. MONEY~ Who cares what PhD you are, how much you can make? This is the real question.
This is a very realistic world. Even i feel sick of it. Money...
money...
sick of it...

Cannot handle it... =.=

Ever since i start on with the rules... i was able to only hang on with monday to friday. Saturday and sunday... LOL! Was like out of the topic. Firstly, Saturday, i go and play and was like so tired that i need to sleep more on sunday of which i said i need to wake up on 7 of which i woke up at 8 due to my parents waking me up for breakfast. =.=''' first penalty for not waking up at 7. 2nd penalty for not going to jog or basketball. Then, after breakfast, when i reached home, i go to sleep again. =.=''' 3rd penalty for not studying a.k.a. doing revision when i reached home. 4th, i did study for awhile and stopped for some rest again soon. See, 4th... and now... 5th... of which i on the computer. So, just a Sunday, i got 5 penalty. =.=''' So, this means... i think i need to change a bit on the weekends part.
LOL! Give myself more time to rest. Wahahaha! Saturday and Sunday for resting!!! WOOH!!!! YEAH!!!! Wahahaha! among 7 days a week, 2 days for rest, should be ok what... LOL! Of course, the sleep time cannot be changed. So...
Just increase 1 more day for rest. LOL! ^^ However, Must continue the hard work! Because, the major rule cannot be change unless permitted by a simple majority of 4/5 of Mr.Z. LOL!
=.=''' Wonder how long can i stand this insanity...
Anyway, there is no way back. Only can move ahead. MUST PASS AND EARN MY PRIZE!

Determination

Since yesterday, 16th February 2009, after i saw my result, i collapse. Why? Simple. Because i failed all my papers i attempted. How can this happen? Reason is simple too. I didn't put in much effort to study. It is purely my own fault that they, The Examiners have the opportunity to fail me. My fault.
What can i do to make up to myself now?
What can i do? I was crying in my pillow yesterday. I can't sleep. I know, fact is a fact, nothing can change. I failed all my papers. I disappoint my parents, i disappoint my lecturer, i disappoint myself... what a shame... So what? It is the past. Can you go back in time and change it? NO! So why brooding over the past and stay down crying? Can cry help you pass? NO! So, after having the whole day of emo yesterday, today... i give myself a promise. I cannot change the past, but I CAN DECIDE MY FUTURE! So, today, i made a promise. Tonight, i will tell my parents about my failure. I will give myself restrictions. What type of restriction? Simple.
I will be penalize RM1 for every once i break the rule.

3 simple rules(weekdays)
1. I must wake up for breakfast every morning at 7 and start revision on 8am.
2. I cannot touch the TV, Computer until 10pm and must go to bed before 1230am.
3. I must spend at least 4 hours on the 3 subjects everyday.
3 simple rules(weekends)
1. Saturday is the only day for rest and do whatever i want but must sleep before 12am.
2. I must wake up 7am on Sunday and go play basketball or jog unless it rains.
3. I must do revision when i reach home and only allowed to touch the computer until 10pm and must go to bed before 1230am.
1 major rule
This June i will take 3 papers and must pass without failing one paper. Fail one, i will suspend myself from the computer and TV for 10 years.

Besides, i cut my hair bald to remind myself about what i do. My mistake, my fault... my stupid fault... my fault... There is no turning back now. I cannot forgive myself for failing this 2 papers either.
These rules will take effect starting 18th February 2009. This may seems cruel... but no pain no gain. This is real. My friends all at least pass 1 paper while i fail all. Such a disgrace...
End here. Anyone who visit and know of my rules, if you see me breaking any of these rules, please tell me too. Anyone who see this may penalize me if i break any of the rules above.
I am gonna print it out and stick it on the wall so every family members can see and keep an eye on me.

I just Realised that i still love BASKETBALL! XD

Woohoo! Yippee! It was just yesterday, 14th Feb, so called Valentine's day, i was dated. @@ Opps. Wrong wording. Ban Leong asked me to join his "Man Party" of which i denied and go for a basketball game with The Sim brothers.
I never touch the ball since i start studying in FTMS. I suppose that was like 2 or 3 years ago?? I do know that once in a blue moon, i will go play basketball with ban leong. But, it is really really rare for me to go play basketball ever since i started on my accounting course. That should be my fault for not going on Sunday morning, of which i usually do years ago. I have always been waiting for them to ask me to go for a basketball game. But none came. Anyway, never mind. They are busy too.
14th Feb, i finally get my chance! Woo! The Sim brother asked me to go play. So, i followed. 6pm, we went to the stadium. We start of warming up a little and... i totally lost my touch... =.=''' 10 shoots, 10 misses. LOL! What a disgrace. I don't even look like i am a basketball player before... 2 years didn't touch the ball, can cause so much??? Impossible!
So, after some warming up... so called... we started off with 3v3. Erm... i was like and extra. I was affraid of the ball. =.=''' My God... Then... when more of them come... we play full court. That, is when i finally earn my grasp of the ball back. Finally get the feel back. LOL! Kai, the Sarawak representative in basketball will always try to pass me the ball and ask me to go... too bad i always disappoint him. Then, i keep on telling myself to be more daring. So, the next one he passes to me... i was on the go. I dash to the opponent's side and attempted my first "dunk"... someone came up in front and blocked, then, i was scared to head on and knock him, so i fall backward. Injured! LOL! I sprain my ankle... But after the injury... i feel more and more into the game. LOL!!! That is when i start to do what i like to do most, run and go for a score without any stop. Anyway, since i got my feet injured... i just played another 2 game and stopped and be an audience. LOL! They are all so pro... haih~ i feel so petite playing with them. Total score for the 3 games... out of all, 5 attempts, 4 went in. Woohoo! Not bad result right? haha...Wonder why i was affraid at first... LOL! Although all are close range shoots... Anyway, in a game, every score is important. Haha!
I really love basketball. I still love basketball. I am gonna join them again the next week. Sure i will. LOL! Despite the injury, i feel that it is worth it. I get my basketball spirit back. haha!

I don't want to change!

It was just funny for me... when people ask me... why are you still using the same hand phone, using the same online game name, having the same bluetooth name? Why must i change? I don't want to change.
My mum did ask me do i want a Nokia N95 for my birthday present. But i rejected. I don't know why. I don't want to change my phone. =.=''' I am sure that all of you will say i am an idiot. N95 wor!!! Super phone compared to the Nokia 6630 i am using now... Actually, this phone was with me for years. I suppose it had followed me for more than 2 years. Besides, i earn it with my own part time salaries and saving. That time, it cost me RM1k... But that is not the point, it just, followed me for so long that i don't feel like changing it. I never want to change it. NEVER! Don't ask me why. Because i don't know why too.
Why still Tallgeese3? A lot of people was asking me this... No why, because i just like it. I don't want to change too. Tallgeese3... a gundam i like since my early secondary school. Even until now, i still keep it. Tallgeese is still with me. Just that it is now in a box... Even if it died and need to be dumped, it still stays in my heart...
I was unable to sleep last night. I don't know why. Many things come into my mind. If i am given a set of amount of date of survival, meaning, after some times later, i will die, what will i do? This question is not a tough question for me. I don't even have to think long to give an answer to this. Pessimistic! Death is far from me. Why think death? But anyway, my answer to this question was so clear that my mind was blanked... Guessing what is my answer? That's a secret. ^^
The whole night was spend meaninglessly. I didn't sleep... then in the end, i decide to wake up and do some revision rather than wasting time on the bed not sleeping...
Pessimistic doesn't fit me. I am a cheerful one. So, this won't bother me long. ^^ hehe...

I really love this song!

This song had win my heart since the day i first listen to it. It was so many years ago. That time i was not so into listening to music. But i still can remember this song. Lately i miss it really much. So i took my time, looking for it in sogou, haoting, baidu. Shockingly, i can't find it. I was about to give up... Then i tried youtube. Finally i found it in youtube. Thank God~ But i really hope i can get an MP3 Version of this song... anyone who had it, please tell me the link to the download. Many thanks ^^

The song got really nice meaning. ^^

A Super Sunday!

Super Sunday? What do i mean by this?
This story begins with... I was playing maplesea with Rachel. Since it will be her last day on maple for now, so, i stay up and play with her the whole night. =.=''' It was 530 in the morning when i go to bed. Wah! 530am!!! That's already morning! Anyway, i did sleep directly. I was having dreams for this late sleep. I am dreaming about Sing Ying. My god~ How come she came into my dream? Thought it would be maplesea. Since i played maple the whole night. LOL! But no, it was her that came into my dream. I feels like i spend the whole day with her. @@ Of course, in the dream. LOL! I woke up so so so late today. See why i call this a super sunday? Because i spend the day sleeping... 4pm then i woke up. The sun was already setting on me. =.='''
Anyway, i don't remember the dream. It feels so real that i really do feel as if i was spending the whole day with her. @@ My god~
ANYWAY!!! I woke up at 4pm... i can't believe myself too... 4pm...
Then only i knew that we will be going to my uncle's for celebration of "Chap Goh Mei" =.=''' WTF!
So, i go clean up, bathe, and prepare myself. Then i receive sms from Kai Wei, My dear sis that came back from Australia. =.=''' My God! I am invite to go to her house. She is having a gathering!!! I am sure that a lot of old buddies will be going. So sad i can't join...
So, i went to my uncle's house. But that is not a regret going there. I had a really nice dinner there. LOL! Have i told you that my cousins are great cooks? Haha.
I forget to take pictures of them. Too bad can't show you my handsome and beautiful cousins. Hehe... One of my cousin was taking photo all over the place. She just came back from Australia too. LOL~ So, might as well be a statue. Wahaha~ Then we all exchange msn and emails... I go home at around 9pm. Then Michael Liak, the old buddy called. We went out for some supper. That means, i am going out. =.=''' So, we find a place to sit down and drink. Then chit chat chit chat whole night. =.=''' Super Sunday, i only live for the night today...
A really super sunday... i miss my friends gather...
A really SUPER SUNDAY! I wasted my time sleeping whole day...
A Really Really SUPER SUNDAY! I spend the whole morning dreaming...
=.='''
Anything special lately? Not quite... Sorry for not updating much. I suppose i was lazy to come here and start blogging on stupid daily lifes that is not interesting and kind of meaningless too. LOL!!!
Do my readers want to read boring stuff? I don't think so too. Right? Hahahha~ So that's it for now!