It was like usual days, everyone will go to bed when they feel tired. So do i. I feel tired. I feel worn. I feel... lonely. Should be going into dreamland to find some people to play with, to chat with. That will be the best solution... But, I was unable to fall asleep, when my mind, my soul, my body are tired.
I choose to wake up. Sit up right on my bed, start having thoughts... What should i do now???
I wonder why am i still awake when everyone is sleeping soundly.
Why this is happening to me? I barely have the time to sleep, but this tiredness, should be giving me an urge to sleep right? Why is it the opposite? Nevermind. I stand up, walk out of the room, and get myself a bottle of water. I gulp the whole bottle empty, no worrying for toilet at later time... (why do i have to worry anyway? since i can't sleep right, i can go to the washroom anytime) then, i start reading *outdated* newspaper. LoL... 12 midnight, the news are just outdated. Still got some scrap value right? haha... Looking for the program news, see what is showing on TV.
Lucky, nowadays got EURO CUP to watch. WAKAKA! Won't bored to death...
I give myself some thoughts, exam is over, i should be feeling relieved. But why am i still like that? I even start talking to myself. I am tired. I don't want to be so... insane... ya right... insane... people who have split personality is not normal. And i don't want to be abnormal. Heck! Who wants to be abnormal???
Men, only have 2 types of worry. 1 is career/study, the other will be women. (heard of this almost like everyday)
WTF!!! My study... i do worry for my exam result... But that doesn't seems to be the most troubled matter. Women... =.='''
What about my girl???
I don't think there is any problem. I am running from the fact? or am i just thinking too much? She has been really cold lately. I feel... unsafe. I feel... fear. I feel lonely! What is lonely anyway... She is busy. She is really busy with her project, with her studies. She already told me, she is lately busy with her school work. So maybe will have littler time for me. Ya. That must be the reason. So i should not be worried. right? right? RIGHT? WTF!!! WHO CAN TELL ME!!! Friends... Who are trustable? Where are my tears? i am tired. Seems like my heart is running out of blood. My heart is missing and is cold when there are no blood circulation. Drifting...
Friends... I HATE THIS TOPIC!
Today... should be yesterday, i encounter a very peculiar question asked by a friend of mine. How to differentiate true friends and fake friends? I was stunned. I was struggling in this once ago. But i had forgotten how i came out from this confusion. I knew the importance of friends in one's life. But when you are used, how would you know? betrayal? what can you do?
I've learned of the way of forgiveness. Be grateful. Those who harm you, are giving you a lesson of life. Those who criticize you, are teaching you. In a way, you grow up. Grow up to be more matured. But humans are humans! I am also a human!!! I also have flesh and blood. I am not made of steel! I fear betrayal, I fear loneliness, I fear ... lost! I DO HAVE FEAR! I DO HAVE WORRIES! I AM NOT STEEL MADE! Please let me go... God... Let me go... stop teasing me... i wanted some rest. I am not blaming God for what is happening to me, but just, can all this stop for a second for me to breathe... where are all the people when i need one? Where? Even my body is resisting me... I feel like crying, but where are tears? Collapsed... ( still waiting for my tears to drop =.=''')
Imbalance of emotion... Must be imbalance of emotion. When was the last time i get angry and shout? i forget... when was the last time i do something insane? i forget... Take a deep breathe. It is time to let things go. The world looks more beautiful. Everything come around, will goes around( Justin timberlake's song also got such fact). Why feel sad or tired of it? Nothing is eternal... NOTHING. So do not put hope. Never put too much hope on anything. Hopeless! like one critic ever say, you are hopeless. Yes~ i will reply. I am hopeless. But i am not helpless. i will help myself out. i do not hope for any help from anyone. That makes me hope less. Right? ^^
Still got the mood for jokes? haha. I am me. I am still me. I am alright! Of course. Why care why worry when time will tell everything? Think your life span is too long ar? hahaha... See... talking to myself again... what to do? at least i am accompany + ing myself. I m helping myself. Like a hero in DOTA, RHASTA say: "I'll help you mon." "Don't worry, be happy. HaHaHa"
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